grrr....

I woke up exhausted, nothing unusual and, very 'angry' again... hating everyone for not understanding etc etc etc... it took me about 2 hours to get my head into a different space and be sympathetic to them and consider the fact that they may not have a real understating of what Im going through... I responded to text messages with grace I hope and reminded myself to be thankful for having contact... it helped release some tension and facilitated a sympathetic dialogue... I'm glad I was able to pull myself round, but it also made me think about how fucking consuming this all is...

came across this article via an endo FB forum, describing endo-fatigue

https://www.facebook.com/groups/endometropolis/?multi_permalinks=831326843646829&notif_t=group_highlights

oh christ...

so, so, so, fucking nauseous today... after a 'sleep' that felt like I was coming down from a bad trip (I don't think I ever had a good one?), it took until 3PM to open both eyes and even then I'd contest that I was actually awake... after yesterdays almost euphoric feelings and the most productive activity from me in the last week, today was quite the opposite and back to how its been in the days leading up to the infusion... as well as the physical discomfort, my mind was busy with bullshit... anger, frustration, pity, conversations with friends in my head fuelled by complete destruction... maybe I just need to shed those people from my life? or maybe I just need to wait until I'm feeling a little more positive before I respond...

preparing for bed...

I was thinking today about how much time I'm going to have on my hands recuperating from the bigger op next year... I know I don't do well without structure and less well when I'm not busy or occupied... so. I'm thinking about some sort of plan/timetable/diary of stuff to do... which starts with this blog... yeah we'll see how that pans out shall we...

infusion, numero dos: 10-Nov-15

iron bru! its actually literally iron ore, the stuff you see on your walks along the coast that looks like copper (trying really hard to think of something funny but all I've got is slaughtered gingers) copper it is...